When I’m unwell I try to brave it out. My antibodies have done a good job in keeping serious illnesses away from me and Ken Norton anti-virus will punch any pathogen that dares to intrude. Lately, however, there’s been a pain in my shoulder that’s hampered my sleep. This ache would probably be a sports injury or so I thought.
A few weeks passed and still the pain remained. It wasn’t excruciating or anything like that, just a niggling little annoying jar. The Arnica gel (available only on QVC, my TV’s default channel. Short story. My wife has monopolised the television rights) wasn’t working so as a last resort I booked a doctor’s appointment. After a few formalities my shirt came off and my shoulder went through some not so punishing exercises. Just a slight twinge, doc, I said. The doctor said.
“It might be the onset of arthritis.”
Arthritis? Pull the other one. Where’s the second opinion when you want one? He gave it to me. “That’s what it probably is.” This made me distraught. I was too young for this. What would be next? Wrinkles? Grey hairs? Radio 4?
The doctor scribbled in the headed note paper. He informed me that I would need an X-ray to get to the root of the problem. Luckily, because you know sometimes how long you need to wait for these things, there was time and space for the X-ray to be done that day. I got snapped but would have to wait a few days for the pictures to be developed.
The days were as long as months until it was time for me to phone for the results. The images came back negative which at first I thought was a bad thing until the caller told me there was nothing wrong with me. All that anxiety for nothing. Suddenly, I could feel my shoulder was back to normal. Operating at full power now I can terrorise left-backs again.
So where did the pain come from? Was it a mild case of minor hypochondria? Maybe a bored New Orlean playing silly voodoos? Or perhaps, more ominously, a foretaste of the future.
Boadicea's Chariot 
How horrid, JW.
I’ve skipped all this pain and suffering and I’ve already fast-forwarded to Radio 4. If nothing else, it sends me to sleep!
It could be Hodgkinson’s sarcoma.
You wouldn’t have to worry too long then about getting any other problems!
JW: My sympathy, but not much, at my last annual checkup conducted by the charming Janice, a beautiful nurse practitioner of mature years and slender warm hands and fingers (so comforting when it comes time for the prostate exam) I was sitting in my designer underwear on that paper covered slab after the normal proceedings were over when she asked if I had any other problems, “Yes” I said, “occasionally my left knee feels like it is about to refuse it’s duty, when climbing a ladder of lifting a heavy weight for example” she placed her warm and gentle hand on my left knee and asked me to lift my leg, I did. “Arthritis” she pronounced with authority “I can feel the crackle as you straighten your leg” “Well, shit” I said,( I have known and admired Janice for many years) “I’m only 67 and have always been fit and healthy, what is going on? ” “You have abused your body, you played Welsh rugby for ten years and Canadian Ice hockey for another ten, what do you expect?” she said. I had no answer for this. Had I spent my youth in desk bound inactivity would my knees now be in better shape?
I take some comfort from the condition of my nearest neighbours here on the remote creek where I make my domicile, to my right, an ex-army special forces operator, at 53 a broken man, arthritic and strained, requiring a long walk early in the day to function normally, not a grunt, he finished his service as full bird (sorry, colonel). On the other side a retired Marine (there are no ex-marines) his bandaged knees attest to a lifetime of heavy packs and long marches (he’s fifty five).
All in all, I feel pretty good.
JW, are you sure it wasn’t man flu, which strikes us all intermittently and defies all medical diagnosis? I get an mild form of it whenever Mrs J imagines she needs retail therapy or designs new DIY projects to ‘keep me busy’.
Welcome to the club TR.
Glad you are better, but why on earth should it take more than a few minutes to develop the X ray? The last time I went for one, here in SA, following a broken leg, the pictures had already been transmitted to my surgeon’s computer, by the time I had walked there from the X ray studio. She was able to give them to me on a disk.
Good morning CO.
JW
What Bravo said! 🙂
Sipu – your #6
I didn’t like to ask why an X-Ray took so long – our X-Rays are on the doctor’s computer by the time one walks to his surgery. But, then so were my mother’s at the Royal Sussex in Brighton…
So where did the pain come from?
Too much elbow lifting? 🙂
Seriously, though arthritis is no fun. I have one ceramic and metal and metal hip, and my other knee is beginning to creak a bit! It is all my Mum’s fault, what with her dodgy family genes!
Thanks for sharing, LW. I’m troubled that you have brought prostrate examinations to my attention. Have despatched a battalion of anti-bodies to this area. It leaves me light in other places but I feel it’s the right military decision.
Sipu/Boadicea. I can’t give you an answer as to why the results took so long. The only thing I can think of is maybe the medical person taking the x-ray wasn’t qualified to pass judgement and I had to wait for my doctor to get round to seeing it.
Agree with FEEG that arthritis isn’t funny. One of my aunt’s was a long time sufferer and I could feel her pain.
TR – just a thought if I may chuck my slightly younger and less cynical opinion….
I suffer from a regular shoulder issue – on the left because of a rugby injury where I needed surgery and the other due to a habitual sleeping position! My wife works with a neuro-physio and his wife, a normal skeletal physio and having got to know them over the years we both are amazed at what a decent pillow can do in assisting in your sleep and aches around the neck and upper body. Try getting a new pillow, preferably one that provides support to your neck, especially if you sleep on your side as I do!