Cricket chirps

There’s an outside chance that our non cricket loving members might enjoy these, I did…

The only time an Australian ever walks is when his car runs out of petrol.
Barry Richards, 1980

Are you going to get out or do I have to come round the wicket and kill you?
Malcolm Marshall to David Boon

Shane Warne: I’ve waited two years for another chance to humiliate you.
DaryllCullinan: Looks like you spent it eating.

Hell, Gatt, move out of the way, I can’t see the stumps.
Dennis Lillee to Mike Gatting

Tufnell! Can I borrow your brain? I’m building an idiot.
Voice from the crowd, Newcastle Test

You’ve got to bat on this in a minute, Tufnell. Hospital food suit you?
Craig McDermott to Phil Tufnell

The other advantage England have got when Phil Tufnell is bowling is that he isn’t fielding.
Ian Chappell

David Gower: Do you want Gatt a foot wider?
Chris Cowdrey: No. He’d burst.

How anyone can spin a ball the width of Gatting boggles the mind.
Martin Johnson on Shane Warne’s Ball of the Century

I’m completely different from Pietersen. He would turn up to the opening of an envelope.
Andrew Flintoff

Shane Warne’s idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand.
Ian Healy

Q: What’s your favourite animal?
Steve Waugh:Merv Hughes.

In my day 58 beers between London and Sydney would have virtually classified you as a teetotaller.
Ian Chappell on hearing David Boon had downed 58 beers on the flight to England in 1989. Boon claimed he was afraid of flying.

Border is a walnut: hard to crack and without much to please the eye.
Peter Roebuck

An ordinary bloke trying to make good without ever losing the air of a fellow with a hangover.
Peter Roebuck on Merv Hughes

Merv Hughes vsHansie Cronje
Merv Hughes was one of the greatest exponents of the fine “art” of sledging. Once during a tour game in South Africa Hughes was bowling to Hansie Cronje. It was an especially flat wicket and Cronje was hitting Hughes for fours and sixes all over the place.
After the umpteenth boundary, Hughes headed down the pitch, stood near Cronje, let out a fart and said: “Try hitting that for six”. It was five minutes before the guffawing stopped and play could resume.

Hughes vsMiandad
The inimitable Merv Hughes has forgotten more about sledging than most people will ever know, so he was more than a little miffed to be on the receiving end in the 1991 Adelaide Test against Pakistan. Hughes and JavedMiandad almost came to blows after the Pakistani batsman dared to call big Merv a “fat bus conductor”. But revenge was sweet for Hughes. A few balls later he finally got his man and as Miandad walked past, he could not resist shouting “Tickets, please!”

Ricky Pontingvs Shaun Pollock
After beating the bat with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: “It’s red, round & weighs about 5 ounces.” Ponting hammered the next ball out of the ground and retorted: “You know what it looks like, now go find it.”