One Man and his Boy (Ferret’s Festive Comp)

This was going to be a tough Christmas for my son and I. Ever since my wife done a bunk with Bunk the detective I’ve had to resign from my job and take care of Danny full time. She’s always had a thing for men in uniform. Ironically, when Bunk snared her he was wearing a suit because he was serious Police. As Danny’s sole custodian I didn’t need to join Fathers for Justice and climb up on a high roof. That’s where she thinks she is: on a pedestal. The Queen of Sheba hasn’t had any contact with Danny since she left. One day she’ll fall from up on high and there will be nobody to catch her.

There was no indication that our relationship was in a bad way. I was a dutiful husband and once Danny was born my whole world revolved around my family. There were occasions when she’d act like a loon and flying off the handle, she’d call me bland. Bland? Me? I can thrash Master of Puppets more frenetically than Lars Ulrich. All my wages were paid into our joint account. The joint account that she emptied when she upped sticks. And with little money this was going to be a tough Christmas for Danny and me. As I lie here, resting in bed I can hear the faint sound of a drum.

Drum, huh. It started with a drum. Our house got broken into and amongst the things taken were the Cozy Powell 7” red vinyl limited edition Theme One single. She was glad to see the back of it. Detective Bunk showed up and vowed to catch the robber. All “Bunky” did was steal my wife. That’s a good title for a TV game show: Steal my Wife. Nice clean family entertainment for Saturday night television. In real life it hurts bad, real bad. Though, I’m now over it and glad to see the back of her.

The drum’s getting louder and I smile. It’s like July in December.

It was July this year on holiday when little Danny showed his true ability. Crane drivers everywhere eat your heart out; he is a true Bob the Builder and I‘ll make sure his little world is full of happiness. We were sitting in the bar having a laugh, although I think my wife was a bit over-friendly with the waiter. Danny ran over to us clutching a soft toy he’d won with the claw crane. His little beaming face, already tanned by the sun, was a picture of pure innocent joy. I was so happy for him tears were welling up inside. I looked over at my wife who was giggling and sharing whispers with the waiter disinterested in Danny’s delight.

The beat of the drum awakens me on this fine Christmas morning, Dum-pum chuka. Dum-pum chuka. Dum-pum chuka pum.

Danny boy has got Caribbean rhythm. His teacher told me that for a lark she got the children to try the old, pat your head and rub your stomach game. The class was all over the place with hands and arms taking unusual racing lines as they tried to master the trick. Danny’s hand coordination was on a par with Neil Peart. In fact, he was so fast and so adroit she thought he might be an android. Danny the droid, he loved that one. “Smashing name for a comic book, eh Dad?” Danny said.

Well my faithless lady wife might not have thought highly of me, in Danny’s eyes I was a hero. Times were tough and a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do to get by. I did casual work for employers that were short of manpower. I walked the high roads and the low roads and I lifted crates and lugged boxes every spare minute I had when Danny was creating miracles at school. I starved and I struggled and I saved every penny for my Danny. Little Danny will have a Christmas like every other child. I got him the special present he asked for.

My aching body got a good sleep on the eve. She used to complain about my snoring. I bet big Bunk gets a dig in the ribs from her, more fool him, I can snore as loud as I like now. Rising, I head to Danny’s room and he is sat by the drum stool. He flashes me a wide grin.

“Good morning Dad. I opened Santa’s present and assembled the kit. I think I’ve tuned it not too bad.” said Danny.

“It sounds perfect, buddy. You are one smart kid.”

“I’ll shuffle on up a bit. Come on Dad, you have a shot.”

“Thank you. Beware though, I’m a bit of an Animal with the sticks.”

“ This is the best day of my life, I love you so much. Merry Christmas Dad.”