Archive for the ‘The Dark Side’ Category

Is it goodbye?

September 18, 2014 54 comments

18 September 2014

I don’t get it

September 16, 2014 56 comments

Sorry to burden you, cherished reader, with my ignorance but what’s been happening in Scotland since 2010? Summat must’ve, as one says, because at the May general election 2 million Scottish voters supported Labour, LibDem and Tory combined and only half a million plumped for SNP.

Did half of those North British souls only vote non-SNP because SNP had no chance of influencing Westminster affairs with 6 seats? If so, that sounds to me like chickens and eggs. So what’s changed to satisfy them that SNP can do the business for them?

If any undecided Scottish voter chances to join you in reading this, may I point out that the descent from the cliff-top is a rush for extreme sporting types but for the rest of us it’s painful and perhaps fatal. My advice: don’t jump.

Hole in one(‘s pocket)

September 13, 2014 4 comments

For JM:

I was watching the Tour Championship live on t’telly last evening – lulled almost to sleep by the drama – when wor Rory drove off at the 14th and appeared to miss the fairway to the right into some trees. There were the usual inane cries of ‘in the hole’ which always accompany players in America, but a red-shirted spectator pointed out that Rory’s pill had dropped from a tree into the gaping right-hand pocket of his shorts.

Rory shared the crowd’s amusement and recounted a similar happening at this year’s Scottish Championship, when his ball found its way up the trouser leg of a spectator ‘into the groin area’.

No, cherished reader, he did not attempt to play the ball in situ! Sorry to disappoint.


September 9, 2014 11 comments

Meanwhile, where it really matters – on the pitch – Ajmal has been banned for chucking. My Dad was rather ’round arm’ but never chucked the cherry. But what about the famous quicks who chuck their bouncers regularly?

Next, after St Kitts and Nevis…..

September 9, 2014 5 comments


As mentioned in a comment on the last post about Alba, Balmoral may just be a memory for One after Alba acquires the status of one of One’s realms. One might be accused of favouritism by the other 15 realms which One rules at arm’s length, if One spent every summer there. Embra can expect a visit every five years – so maybe it’s best if the Princess Royal moves in – to pacify the natives, as it were.

Alba will of course be required to install a vice-roy or governor to oversee state occasions when One is busy elsewhere. Happily one will be advised by One’s Privy Council on the appointment, which might well exclude Mr Salmond from consideration. However One could not possibly comment.

OK, it’s war!

September 8, 2014 63 comments

Backside didn’t mind the damned Scotties playing around with their faux-historical independence, all kilt and no knickers. But now it’s serious. My (not their) beloved Pound is taking a serious hit, owing to their ridiculous fantasy. Down 1% today – forecast to hit minus 5% if the yes mob win. And that’s my pensions which have appreciated very usefully (accounting expression) since the Good Ship GB has sailed out of recession. All to be squandered by Fatty and the Scotchmen. So bugger their pancakes, their mist, their hooch and their baby blue eyes. May their ginger progeny run out of oil and get stuck with the Euro. Which will definitely contribute to their mutual demise.

Bird flu

September 4, 2014 6 comments

I feel a bit seedy this morning.
So I’m not up to scratch, you might say.
The boss likes a cheeky ‘allo there’
But he’ll only get ‘stick it’ today.

Read more…

Alba in NATO

September 3, 2014 2 comments

The dour Scotsman reports that wee Alba will be welcome in NATO.

That means that Fatty will have to muster a militia.

Any idea who’ll do that for him?

Don’t rock the boat

September 2, 2014 8 comments

A quarter of non-Scottish Brits ‘don’t know’ whether they approve of Scottish independence or not. Three-quarters of those with an opinion are against it. Ah yes, you ask, but why?

Well, here’s my short list of possibilities:

Mary Princess of Orange.jpg


* Scots should get out more

* Who is that fat git?

* Look at what happened to the Picts

* I like Billy Connolly and Rod Stewart

Princess Royal for Queen of Alba or forget it!


What say you, O cherished wise ones?

Eine Bildunterschrift, bitte

August 30, 2014 7 comments


“A miracle would really help just now”


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