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Topical tips

December 18, 2014 7 comments

Matt cartoon December 18Even though all our cherished chefs de cuisine made their puds months ago, I thought Matt’s advice might come in handy for some.

And Mac offers another tasty reminder:

Mac

Have you been eating beans again?

 

 

 

Categories: Techo stuff, The Dark Side

Earth in a spin?

December 15, 2014 9 comments

More jam tomorrow from the PR pros of the world’s governments. They have now agreed to agree again in Paris next year. That’s progress – not.

14 December 2014

Backside’s complaint

December 14, 2014 22 comments

It’s a bad bout of sciatica – probably the worst man-strain ever presented – rendering both of us grumpy and immobile.

Why am I burdening you with this news, cherished reader? Because we’re seeking both sympathy and palliative ideas, if you have a festive moment to spare.

Thank you. 😣

For our cherished North Britons

December 8, 2014 9 comments

8 December 2014

The former First Minister intends to return! So, perhaps prematurely, here’s a ‘guid new year to you’ from me! But if he doesn’t get in, I’ve got just the job for him:

Read more…

Preaching – by the perverted

November 27, 2014 12 comments

Pots and kettles, not to mention fine words and parsnips came to mind when the only the other day, the Head Honcho from Rome graced the EU Parliament with his sanctimonious presence.

In his address he chose the image of a grandmother to describe the short-comings of the political institution – elderly and haggard, suffering from weariness and ageing, no longer fertile and vibrant, in his humble opinion of course. Hardly a helpful homily, one would have thought – or even well-targetted.

Backside wonders whether he might ever have considered drawing a cameo of his own lot (to use an appropriate expression) whose longevity has never earned the revered title of grandparent, but whose daily behaviour for centuries has resembled that of a randy, pecunious little brother let loose in his own gangland; picking on his innocent victims at will without censure or hindrance from anyone resembling a parent or even a law-enforcement officer.

Luckily he fondly imagines he has supernatural backing for his hypocrisy.

Gone to the moon?

November 13, 2014 38 comments

Our cherished earthlings seem to have gone walkabout – again. Not so much as a byyourleave or abientot or seeya.

Meantime it’ s 14 degrees in new money and clear skies oop narth.

A sure sign

November 4, 2014 9 comments

So many sportsfolk on my telly touch the ground, kiss their fingers and cross themselves as they reach the pitch/course/court or wha’ever. Then – if they score/win/get lucky – they point to heaven all over again.

So presumably their deity likes to be congratulated for supporting their holy efforts but is totally uninterested in failure, the more common event during any sport?

Now to my mind this practice demonstrates that the deity concerned is not an equal opportunity kinda deity but subscribes only to the Daily Mail. Only call if you have made it!

I really don’t mind. Do you?

Poetry of the foot

October 21, 2014 6 comments

Dryden wrote that about ‘dance’. And I know from bitter experience that the world is divided into dancers and the rest.

From my earliest youth my feet never really managed to get the messages from my brain or my spirit or wha’ever and imitate the silky moves I saw others executing so perfectly. Not ballroom, not square, not country, not jive! Not no how!

So many poetic occasions slipped from my grasp to end in flat-footed, prosaic words of apology.

I’ll bet there are some real Freds and Gingers amongst us too. Dammit!

Is Canterbury Christian?

October 15, 2014 6 comments

As I recall, Scripture prescribes prayer as the appropriate response to them that despitefully use us.

The Archbishop however reckons that air attacks alone are insufficient to deal with IS. And he wants religious leaders to big up and condemm them. Allegedly war is fine if it supports a higher, selfless ideal. Does he mean protecting the oil fields?

Brave Norway

October 3, 2014 13 comments
  • They demand to meet the king prior to the opening ceremony. Afterwards, there shall be a cocktail reception. Drinks shall be paid for by the Royal Palace or the local organizing committee.
  • Separate lanes should be created on all roads where IOC members will travel, which are not to be used by regular people or public transportation.
  • A welcome greeting from the local Olympic boss and the hotel manager should be presented in IOC members’ rooms, along with fruit and cakes of the season. (Seasonal fruit in Oslo in February is a challenge…)
  • The hotel bar at their hotel should extend its hours “extra late” and the minibars must stock Coke products.
  • The IOC president shall be welcomed ceremoniously on the runway when he arrives.
  • The IOC members should have separate entrances and exits to and from the airport.
  • During the opening and closing ceremonies a fully stocked bar shall be available. During competition days, wine and beer will do at the stadium lounge.
  • IOC members shall be greeted with a smile when arriving at their hotel.
  • Meeting rooms shall be kept at exactly 20 degrees Celsius at all times.
  • The hot food offered in the lounges at venues should be replaced at regular intervals, as IOC members might “risk” having to eat several meals at the same lounge during the Olympics.

Read more…

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