Archive for the ‘Terminally boring’ Category

Backside’s complaint

December 14, 2014 22 comments

It’s a bad bout of sciatica – probably the worst man-strain ever presented – rendering both of us grumpy and immobile.

Why am I burdening you with this news, cherished reader? Because we’re seeking both sympathy and palliative ideas, if you have a festive moment to spare.

Thank you. ūüė£

A sure sign

November 4, 2014 9 comments

So many sportsfolk on my telly touch the ground, kiss their fingers and cross themselves as they reach the pitch/course/court or wha’ever. Then – if they score/win/get lucky – they point to heaven all over again.

So presumably their deity likes to be congratulated for supporting their holy efforts but is totally uninterested in failure, the more common event during any sport?

Now to my mind this practice demonstrates that the deity concerned is not an equal opportunity kinda deity but subscribes only to the Daily Mail. Only call if you have made it!

I really don’t mind. Do you?

Labour is over

September 23, 2014 28 comments

Milly kindly gave Auntie his speech so that we can all admire him in anticipation – not.

He is so totally screwed by the English Question that he’s doing a Bliar, fondly believing anybody buys it any more.

10 year plan? In his dreams.

Blast from the past

September 20, 2014 27 comments

Just browsing. F1 practice. A tweet from the inimitable, Ron’s best mate, JP and bar – fanfare! Phil Slocombe, late of Costa del Sol, China and Chester!

Has he reappeared at the Big House, one wonders?

Is it goodbye?

September 18, 2014 64 comments

18 September 2014

OK, it’s war!

September 8, 2014 63 comments

Backside didn’t mind the damned Scotties playing around with their faux-historical independence, all kilt and no knickers. But now it’s serious. My (not their) beloved Pound is taking a serious hit, owing to their ridiculous fantasy. Down 1% today – forecast to hit minus 5% if the yes mob win. And that’s my pensions which have appreciated very usefully (accounting expression) since the Good Ship GB has sailed out of recession. All to be squandered by Fatty and the Scotchmen. So bugger their pancakes, their mist, their hooch and their baby blue eyes. May their ginger progeny run out of oil and get stuck with the Euro. Which will definitely contribute to their mutual demise.

Alba in NATO

September 3, 2014 2 comments

The dour Scotsman reports that wee Alba will be welcome in NATO.

That means that Fatty will have to muster a militia.

Any idea who’ll do that for him?

Don’t rock the boat

September 2, 2014 8 comments

A quarter of non-Scottish Brits ‘don’t know’ whether they approve of Scottish independence or not. Three-quarters of those with an opinion are against it. Ah yes, you ask, but why?

Well, here’s my short list of possibilities:

Mary Princess of Orange.jpg


* Scots should get out more

* Who is that fat git?

* Look at what happened to the Picts

* I like Billy Connolly and Rod Stewart

*  Princess Royal for Queen of Alba or forget it!


What say you, O cherished wise ones?

A club too big for its boots

August 27, 2014 9 comments

A couple of years ago Sir Alex realised the game was up. He was stuck with an overpaid, undertalented bunch of never-quite-weres. Best to get out while his own rep was intact. But he was so good at his own PR¬†that¬†the Mancunian back-office never even dreamed a dour grafter like David couldn’t just take over and¬†continue the¬†Reds’ ride to glory.

That was the first mistake.

Next up, the campaign to show that it was¬†all David’s fault. All they neeeded now was a fabled disciplinarian¬†like Louis to gee up the squad and everything in the garden would be rosy Red again.

That was the second mistake.

And finally let’s spend an astronomical¬†100 million bucks on a new player! He’s bound to turn the bus round.

Or is he the third mistake?¬†Will Real’s divine Angel find himself in purgatory? The Reds’ old boys, now airing their doubtful wisdom around the meeja, will be the first to tell him he’ll fail. Watch the American owners get out from under before you can say Bobby Charlton.



The Pied Piper of Alba?

August 26, 2014 22 comments
The excellent Merriam Webster defines him as:

  1. a charismatic person who attracts followers
  2. one that offers strong but delusive enticement
  3. a leader who makes irresponsible promises

Need one say more?


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