This one’s for the gluttons
Somebody showed me an article in the Metro yesterday. It was about a café in Oban that has one of those man v food challenges. You get your money back if you finish off their monster burger. Found a link to the enterprise. Here.
1lb Aberdeen Angus steak burger
three chicken breast burgers,
six rashers of bacon
three fried eggs
two portions of chips
a stack of onion rings
a helping of homemade beef chilli
a mound of cheese
No one has yet completed the eating of the burger. As I won’t be going to Oban at any time in the near future I won’t be able to have a go. Previously, long ago in a galaxy far, far away I won a Kit-Kat eating competition against a fat guy. For me it was one of my greater achievements in life, especially as fatty was cheating. He was breaking the bars in two causing crumbs and making the biscuit lighter. I complained to the weights and measurements minister and was told to get on with it. I can tell you my palate was wrecked for a few days afterwards as all I could taste was Kit-Kats.
There’s no chocolate in the big burger so I’m at a disadvantage from the start. Nevertheless I have a few tips that could help in the devouring of the monster. Tasting the same thing can be a chore for your taste buds and put them in a slow first gear, therefore it would be a good idea to break the burger into constituent parts and chew a different item with every bite. For example, have a bit of steak, then a chip, then a slice of bacon, then a cheesy onion, another chip, a piece of chicken and so on and so forth. You’ll soon be making good headway.
Another plan is encompassed in one word: condiment. Flavouring the burger would make your mouth explode into an eating frenzy. There is nothing in the rules about using tomato sauce, mustard or pepper to turn the monster into a whopper. One day the big burger will be scaled. You may ask why. Because it’s there.