“The Future Kings Cup”
If you’ve made it this far, you, like us, are looking to remember (or not) the Royal Wedding as a truly messy occassion. The only things required are something to drink and a jug that shall be known as “The Future Kings Cup” the use of this will become clear later, although I’m sure the more experienced amongst you will be aware of its purpose. The rules are as follows (they may ocassionally enconter something of a restructuring to make them more intelligble or generally better), although as it stands they are incomplete, which means I need your suggestions to make this the best damn day it can be…
1. If the Queen is on the screen you must be drinking. The woman has ruled the country for over 50 years, the least you can do is get destroyed in her honour.
2. Any time Prince Harry appears all players must produce a Nazi salute. The last player to do so must consume 5 fingers/mouthfuls for their poor reactions.
3. If Elton John is spotted the last person to shout “Candle in the Wind” must drink 5.
4. Any time time paralells are drawn to the Diana and Charles wedding (or any previous Royal Wedding for that matter), by commentators or otherwise, all players must consume 3 fingers/mouthfuls of their drink.
5.We’re British (or shall assume the role for the day), which means we’re a simple folk who enjoy comforts such as bacon and beer. With this in mind then, what better way to greet our anthem than with a hearty chug. As a result when the National Anthem is playing, everyone must be stood up and drinking.
6.William will one day become king of this fine country, a fact that needs to be celebrated no? Every time the word “future” is said, in the mentioned context or not, an amount no less than 1 finger must be added to the “Future Kings Cup” by any player. This should then go in a clockwise direction from the first player to do so everytime future is mentioned, to ensure the cup has a good mix of drinks.
7. And following on from Rule 6, The last person to shout “God save the future King!” upon the proclamation of “I now pronounce you man and wife” has to down the Future King’s Cup. I fear for those that are last here, I really do.
8. Prince Phillip has found a warm place in many of our hearts, his “Racist Grandad” appeal simply too hard too dislike. As a result, whenever he is shown independant of the Queen (to avoid complications with rule 1), the last player to shout “Bloody Foreigners” must drink 3 fingers. Penalties can be awarded for anyone who makes no attempt to imitate his accent.
9. Prime Ministers never tend to be popular, but our current one is hated even by those standards. So to allow you all to “stick it to da man” whenever our fearless leader David Cameron appears on screen, the first player to shout “Cunt” (substitute for a less offensive word if necessary) is allowed to come up with a rule of their own. Enjoy your one chance at tyranny!
10.Whenever the union flag appears on screen, the first to shout “rule brittania” is bestowed with the honor of delegating four measures however they see fit, one for each nation of the UK. This can either be to single player, or spread amongst them. Make sure our great flag is honoured with the drinking it deserves!
There we have it then, the 10 rules for what could be the least remembered Royal Wedding in history. It’s been emotional!
Im a massive fan of the Prince Phillip one. The man is an absolute legend.